We have entered a new stage as a family, and generally, the consensus on how things feel at home is... weird.
There is no script for this, no pamphlet of how you should feel, especially for our unique family. The Iron Man has gone to find.... what he has lost.
It's amazing how many emotions go through me when I do a journal page. Implying that the Iron Man is free, and has flown, was done in a spurt of leftover confusion and anger. It's honestly not something that I feel very much. Some people ask why I'm not more bitter, how I seem so sane, or have I fallen apart? But I have been there and I've done that. I'm not very happy there.
Because I know something hard to put into words. That my Daddy is still close, and connected. That his heart still beats for us. I know that he is who he has always been. I know that the memories I have are not contrived or regretted. And so I have peace.
I still get scared. It's still unknown, but I trust... I trust the Iron Man, I trust the Art Goddess, I trust God, I trust the strength of my sisters, and I trust myself to keep living and to keep smiling.
So let's get up and GO!
I had no clue you were into blogging, im loving it!
ReplyDeleteOh my darling...your beautiful voice shines through your art and your reflections. As you share our tears join, our smiles are shared,and another page is turned in our family story.
ReplyDeleteI also choose to trust that we will all be together again on the other side.
PS. the anon comment was Jenn - :)